


Not Just for Sliding

by alwaysgus



Series: Awkward and Sassy [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2011-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysgus/pseuds/alwaysgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River kidnaps the Doctor from his child-like fun in the TARDIS and shows him some proper water games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Doctor was just as lacking at one-eyed pedal navigation as he was at TARDIS navigation - although, in his defense, the TARDIS did have a mind of her own. His feet, on the other hand, could only go where his mind led them. And right now they were leading him into this rail and into that wall and into any other obstacle that hid beyond where his left eye could see. He had tried to guide himself by holding out the available arm to feel for dangers, and it had worked until the danger had been a step up leading into the corridor from the control room. Now, his injuries included his head, his knee, his hip and his elbow, and though they would be healed within minutes, they still smarted nevertheless. Wall always won in a game of head vs. wall...or hip vs. wall...pretty much anything fleshy or bony vs. wall.

Make-your-own-fun was not without its hazards. He was just thankful that there had been no witnesses.

Because his bed chamber was the twelfth door on the right, he had to walk down the corridor sideways in order to see to count them. He could have simply turned his head if the soreness hadn't already extended into his neck. Luckily, he was aware of how gangly his legs were and how clumsy he had become, so he took great care in crossing one foot over the other as he made his way down the hall. Perhaps the smartest move would be to post a sign on the opposite wall pointing to his room. Maybe even one on the door so he wouldn't have to count, because sometimes he got bored between doors and lost his train of thought while chasing this or that "what if" rabbit. Like, what if ducks had hooves instead of those little webbed feet…how would it swim and could lesser animals then ride them?

"Oh, bloody hell," he murmured to himself when he realized he had lost count as he was thinking of ways to avoid having to count. He spun on his heel and limped back to the beginning of the corridor and started over.

"…and twelve," he announced, having made the decision that speaking the numbers aloud would help…which it did. He attempted to high-five himself and then remembered he had only the one free hand. He opened the door to his bed chamber instead and walked through it wearily.

He carefully crossed the large room and turned on a lamp before plopping into a nearby chair. A dim glow settled over the room and revealed a visitor on his bed. A sleeping visitor. His hearts skipped a beat, not from fright but from anticipation. The Doctor lowered his hand and shirt from the healed cut above his eye and took in the sight of her.

She was strangely dressed again. There were dirty antiquated hiking boots on the floor near the bed and a strung wide-brimmed hat lay beside them. The lady herself was wearing khaki trousers and an oxford shirt, which may have been white at one time, with sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her feet hid in dirty socks and peeked out from under the legs of her trousers. Her hands were nestled under the side of her face, and the band of a vortex manipulator was hidden under her chin. Her hair fanned out behind her, and on her nose and cheek were smudges of dirt.

He was beginning to get accustomed to the different faces of River, because, though she seemed to spend a great deal of her later years in the same general time period, she bounced in and out of where and when while in-between. Today it appeared she came to him in the truest form – an archaeologist in every sense of the physical form.

He walked softly over to the bed and swept away the curls that had fallen across her face, and before he had time to move his hand away, he was brought to his knees by the swift and painful grip of a very awake-sleeping River Song.

"River, my wr-wrist….that's my wrist…wet underpants…injury...insult…" He illogically pleaded.

"Wet underpants?" She opened one eye and lifted her head slightly to peer over the side of the bed.

He quickly grabbed her hat and shielded himself from her gaze. "Unacceptable."

She giggled and released his arm. "You're the one in nothing but your underpants."

"Well, I was alone in my TARDIS…sometimes I only wear my underpants," he weakly explained.

"No, you don't. You always have on those short trousers and a bowtie with…hey!" She sat up quickly and snapped her fingers. "I have figured out the trousers. Your braces are too tight."

"Beg your pardon?"

"Your braces. You need to lengthen them. I've been thinking about it. It was like a great puzzle," she smiled brightly, a sign that she was certainly pleased with herself. "Your braces are pulling them up too far, which must make it a bit uncomfortable for your..."

The Doctor cut her off, turned up a lip and raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even wearing any trousers."

"Well, if you were…." River held up a hand an indicated with her fingers an increment of measurement meant to indicate the distance from the bottom of his trousers to his ankle.

"…I'd get up and walk away, that's if I was…"

"Not like it's anything I haven't seen..." Her eyes narrowed suddenly as she took notice of his face. "What's with the blood?"

The Doctor stood and backed away from her, the hat placed strategically over his bits and pieces. "What blood? There's no blood."

"Over your right eye."

"That's not blood. I don't bleed. It's jam," he lied.

"Jam? On your forehead?" she asked incredulously, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Jam happens. It's a fact. Treacherous stuff, jam" He backed into the chair and took a seat. "There should be a label."

"Doctor…." She had walked over to him and was now towering.

"What? Jammie Dodgers. The instructions are in the name. I failed to dodge...silly me."

"There may not be a cut there now, but something healed up and left a tiny bruise and some blood," she leaned in closer to his face and even though she was covered in dirt, she still smelled like honeysuckle.

"I was tinkering and the wrench slipped," he answered, getting a bit lightheaded from the smell of her.

She lowered her gaze to meet his eyes. "In your underpants?"

"Of course not, funny lady. On my head...it really would have been careless of me to let it slip in my underpants. That's a completely different tinkering altogether," he smiled, impressed with his cleverness.

She backed up and crossed her arms, looking at him with a know-it-all grin spread across her face. "You were playing slip-n-slide again, weren't you?"

"Wh-what? I haven't the faintest idea of this 'slip-and-slide' of which you speak."

"You slid into the wall again, didn't you? I told you last time that you just need to ask her to add a water park. Your arms and legs aren't coordinated enough for you to go running and gliding down a wet hallway without slamming into a wall. This is what happens," she said smugly. "Why are you limping? Did you hit the wall with your lanky legs, as well?"

"No!" He exclaimed, then added quietly. "I tripped over a step-up trying to get back to my room."

River giggled and bent to place a light kiss on his lips. He felt the funny jumping in his gut again. He would never get over the excitement of her lips on his. He reached up to pull her in for a deeper kiss, but she stood and gave him a once-over, hands on her hips.

"How about we go to a wet place that doesn't involve clean-up or injury?" She rolled her eyes when he chuckled to himself and blushed. "Doctor, an actual place with water. So inappropriate..." River added with a giggle.

"Sorry…water, yeah? Is there a slide?" His eyes lit up, and he rubbed his hands together. "I love slides. Slides…"

"..are cool. Yeah, I know," she interrupted. "So, are you coming?"

"Have I said that before? Will we someday be where there are slides? Can we make it now?" He stood and danced around her, spinning to walk forward and covering his going-away end with the hat.

"When you're not saving the world, you are a toddler. Everything's cool when you're a toddler," she replied as she watched his acrobatics, trying to change his clothes without giving away his nudity. "Have I not seen you naked before? Did I not read you correctly in our last meeting? I mean, you did practically rip my clothes off."

"Which time?"

"Question answered. Let's move on," she walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

"But which time?" he yelled across the room, curious as to when in her timeline they were meeting. He had failed to get that information the last time they met - with all the shooting and hostility, there never seemed to be a right time to ask. He pulled on a pair of trousers and looked down. He pulled them off and discarded them into a corner.

"Did you ever find me in Honolulu?" The sound of water muted her voice.

"Oh..ok…no, I didn't quite make it to Honolulu." He didn't want to mention their last meeting. No sense in bringing up scary River. She might still be angry about whatever it was, if it had even happened yet. Since he had started seeking her out, their timestreams were more jumbled than ever.

"That's too bad. Waikiki is beautiful," she said as she opened the bathroom door. "I need a shirt."

"From Waikiki? But you have..." The Doctor looked up and lost his balance, his leg getting caught up in his trousers. He peeked over the bed at her, still standing outside the bathroom door in little more than bra and knickers. "Since when do they have those…lacy…contraptions...in 1945?"

She walked closer to him. "I'm not coming from 1945."

"Oh." He swallowed hard and began fidgeting with his trousers as she approached. "I thought…"

"You left me last in 1945," she said, reaching into his wardrobe and withdrawing a shirt. "I just left and am taking you back with me to the late 19th century."

"Well, they most definitely don't have those then," he said, pointing to her knickers.

River knelt down beside him and cupped his face, red from the anxiety, and kissed his nose. "Honey, those have been around since that has been around," she replied coyly, pointing to his groin area.

"I meant…not the general…the underthing, the lace…of course I didn't mean the…umm…well, you know…"

She waited it out, deciding not to help him out of his runaway train of thought.

"…not what goes into the knickers. Not that….of course."

"Of course," she agreed with a smile.

"Blimey, I'm tired." He had finally managed to pull on a pair of trousers that were less likely to be ridiculed, and he was almost out of breath, as well as out of sorts. "I don't want to be wet anymore."

She rose and looked down at him and said with a wink. "Well, that's disappointing, Sweetie. Wet is exactly where I was hoping we were headed." She walked around to the small table and picked up her tiny time machine, strapping it around her wrist.

The Doctor leapt to his feet and was at her side in only a few steps. "Are you kidding me? I live for the wet places!"

"So many of you do, honey," she laughed, reaching out for his hand.

"Wait, like this? We're both a bit…underclothed," he whispered as he stared at her bare legs and feet.

"Together, we have an entire outfit, yeah? It's fine. Give me your hand."

"But I need my braces…"

"Not where we're going," she sighed, as if talking to a child.

"...and my shoes..."

"Buckle up."

"We better not end up in a council or a church," he warned, taking her hand. "Naked, like we are."

A wicked smile spread across her face, from ear to ear. "Hey, now that sounds like my kind of adventure.

"River…"

She placed his hand on her wrist. "Don't let go. It could get nasty."

"I remember," he mumbled.

"Ahh, so you've caught up with me in the library, huh? Well, this will be easy peasy, Sweetie."

And with a flash and an electrical disturbance, they disappeared from the TARDIS, leaving behind a smoking pair of trousers.


	2. Chapter 2

"Damn, I'm good," River boasted as the last of the electrical crackles faded from around them. She pointed to an "X" in the dirt at their feet. She looked up at him for agreement and her eyes filled with tears from trying to laugh silently.

The Doctor stood in just his underpants, like only moments before, except now there were little plumes of smoke wafting away from the singed fabric. His hair stood up in various places and in varying angles and his eyebrows were missing.

"How bad is it?" He stood very still.

River regained a marginal amount of composure to answer. "Oh, I've seen worse. But I have to tell you that your eyebrows were sacrificed to the cause."

"Again? Dammit!" He stomped a foot and was disappointed that it made almost no sound to emphasize his frustration.

"You are a terrible passenger, Sweetie." She had abandoned trying not to snicker. "And your navigational skills leave a little to be desired, as well."

"I should probably have changed out of these wet pants, now that I think about it," he gave himself a look, scratching his head.

River looked at him in bewilderment, mouth opened and eyebrows turned inward.

"Don't look at me that way, River Song! Standing there in your frilly knickers and all your…bits! I can't be held responsible for any stupidity under stressful situations such as that," he reasoned.

"You are so much more human than you would ever admit to," River said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, smoky pants. Have a sit down. We need to wait out the residual energy, anyway, before we get in."

The Doctor crumpled to the ground defeated, folding his legs akimbo and slumping forward. "Why is there so much crackling still? I don't think I've seen it before with vortex manipulators."

She plopped down beside him and took in their surroundings. "It's the hair."

"Nice hair, though. Small price to pay."

"Thanks, Sweetie. I am also a fan, I think I've really grown into it," she winked when she saw confusion creep across his face, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Neither spoke for a while, both of them awed by the beauty in front of and above them. Trees heavy with branches and green leaves towered overhead, and they sat on the forest floor near several large glistening rocks that stood guard around a pool of the bluest green the Doctor had ever seen. The pool was fed by a gorgeous waterfall just high enough to make an impressive splash. A turtle sat on a rock shelf behind the falls, as mesmerized with the visitors as they were with his home.

"Where are we?" His question was almost a whisper, barely audible over the sound of the falling water.

River stood to her feet and climbed atop one of the slippery rocks, sitting down to allow her feet to dangle in the pool below. "I've been doing some of the original mapping of Tikal for the last six months…"

"Maya Tikal? So, you got your pardon then?"

"Not exactly." The disappointment in her voice was heartbreaking, and he let her continue without questioning her further. "Of course, the ruins are amazing and more than I could have dared imagine, but I needed a change of scenery. So, I plugged in the coordinates for the coast and a short walk brought me here…the Seven Altars of the Rio Dulce."

He carefully climbed the rock and slid his body behind hers, wrapping his arms around her middle. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her temple. "Gorgeous…"

River leaned back into him and watched the rushing water fall and still in the quiet pool. It was nature at its most glorious, regarded as sacred by the locals and yet to be spoiled by the greediness of tourism. "Isn't though? This is not even the largest or the prettiest…but I think it has the most character. I could live on these rocks."

He nuzzled his face into her hair, wondering how she managed to smell so good after living in the jungles of Central America for months. "Yes, the falls are pretty, too." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"If this waterfall was a man, it would wear a bowtie and short trousers," she said quietly before she slipped out of his embrace and his shirt and into the water, swimming several feet away from the shore.

As silly as it may have sounded, River could think of no better words to describe how she saw him…and how she felt about him. She had no clue where he was in their timeline, and she was always careful to respect the boundaries that kept them apart. But sometimes she just needed to be near him without regard to timey-timey spoiler nonsense. And although she was proud of what she had accomplished outside of their relationship and of the independent thinker that she had become, she still needed him. Not to complete her or give her worth…but to have someone with whom to share in the chaos and triumphs - not necessarily to make them better or even swoop in to save the day. Just to be able to say "Remember when…" to someone. What good were memories if there wasn't anyone with whom to remember them?

River heard a small splash behind her and twirled around as the Doctor swam nearer, stopping to tread in front of her. "So, confession time, Dr. Song? Are you a fugitive?"

She laughed and dipped under water to sweep the curls from her face, breaking the surface and causing his gut to jump. "No, actually. I was given a short reprieve."

"From a containment facility? A vacation from prison? You're going to have to find a better story than that," he advised, swimming behind her.

She spun quickly, not trusting him to be out of sight. "The bombing of the Japanese by the Americans negated our mission, so we weren't able to finish. Think of this as a consolation prize."

"They just let you go? Just like that? For how long?"

"Eight months, and that was six months ago…also…"

"I knew it…"

"Honestly, it was either give me a few months or spend a few years looking for me," she admitted. "I'm rather spectacular at evading the law. I think they made a wise choice."

The Doctor swam closer, and River splashed water in his face before swimming towards the falls. He chuckled to himself and raced after her, ducking under the cascades to within arm's reach. Grabbing her by the ankle, he pulled River to him, encircling her waist with his arm. She fought against him playfully for a moment before stopping to look at him with a glint in her eyes.

"One of us is a quite a bit freer in the wilderness than the other," she joked as their bodies bounced off of each other under the movement of the crashing water.

"Well, there wasn't much left of them, now was there?" The Doctor unclasped River's bra and tossed it into the open water of the pool.

The water swirled around her bare breasts, and her breaths quickened as she watched him watching her. Her legs were tiring from the treading, so she ducked under water and slipped through his grasp, swimming towards the rock shelf behind them. She surfaced to find him gliding behind her. They both propped their arms on the rock side-by-side to give their legs much needed rest.

"River, if you've been free for six months…"

She waited for him to finish the question that had been eating at her since she left New York.

"Nevermind. Forget it." He lowered his chin to his folded hands, and River could almost see the thought process work itself out in his eyes.

"Why wait so long to find you?"

He turned his head and nodded, still resting on folded hands. He looked like a young boy, and River wondered if her answer would be enough for him, this man-child who needed to know everything.

She looked away, unable to watch his face if she were to continue. "I came to you immediately, actually. I locked the flat, picked up my suitcase and transported into your bed chamber in the TARDIS. And, of course, you're never in there…which I expected…so I decided to send you a note to the psychic paper…"

"I never received a note, River."

"I didn't send it. I panicked." She looked down at the cracks in the surface of the rock and traced them with her finger. "I knew that if I spent eight months with you, I'd never be able to return to prison…and I have to go back…I made a promise…"

"What promise, River? To whom?"

River paused, contemplating whether to break the cardinal rule, trying and failing to rationalize answering him and making the choice to ignore the questions. "So, here I am, buzzing about the jungles, coasts and forest of Central America, in the shadows of a great warrior nation," she said with smile, turning to look at him. "You know, as it turns out, I quite enjoy archaeology, Doctor. Hands in the dirt, never knowing what we might find…very exciting, this work."

"You sound surprised," he replied as he pushed himself from the rock and enveloped her from behind, leaving feathered kisses along her shoulders.

"Well, I didn't exactly go into it with the intention of actually being an archaeologist. It was a means to an end…really…" River took in a sharp intake of breath to finish out her thought as he bit his way up her neck. "B-but I find th-that…"

"Yes?" One of his hands dipped below the surface, and he traced his thumb lightly over the nipple of one of her breasts as his licked along her ear, finding an earlobe on which to suck.

"N-nothing…it's all rubbish…stop talking…more doing…" River arched her back and rubbed against him, causing him to hiss at the sensation.

The Doctor intertwined the fingers of his free hand with one of hers and slid the other into her knickers, teasing the small button of nerves and listening to her moan. He worked the fabric down to her knees with his hands and slid them off with his foot. He pressed into her, rubbing his bare flesh against hers.

"Sweetie, if you don't do it now, I'll have to do it for you," she teased, rolling her hips against him again.

"Do I sense a bit of urgency, Ms. Song?"

"No, honey. You don't sense it. I'm telling you…" There was a trace amount of begging in her response, and it sent a wave of power coursing through him.

He reached up and grabbed her other hand and slid slowly into her. They both let soft groans escape, and he pulled out of her just as slowly. He repeated this several times until her moans began to sound like cries. With very shallow and quick thrusts, he teased her further. She pushed back against him, and he arched his back away from her.

"I hate you."

He pushed into her as deep as their bodies would accommodate with a single thrust and ground against her. She whimpered as he rubbed that one spot that he knew so well, holding himself in place as his fingers drew circles over her clit. Just as she neared orgasm, he pulled out and ran the length of himself along her folds. "I think you may be telling the truth this time, River Song."

The Doctor spread her feet apart and hooked his legs around hers to hold them steady and entered her once more. His thrusts were again slow and shallow, but they began to quicken and press deeper inside her. She pushed back against him and met him thrust-for-thrust. He leaned down to her ear and whispered, "I can never get deep enough inside you…and it's slowly killing me."

She moaned, and his pace got faster and harder until they began to rub the skin on their forearms raw against the rock. With a final push into her, she went over the edge and took him with her as he grinded into her. He came harder than he thought possible, almost painfully. When they had ridden out their orgasms, he turned her around to face him and lowered his lips sweetly to hers, kneading them against his own.

She looked into his blazing eyes and grinned. "Hello, Sweetie."


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor watched River as she stood under the smallest and less powerful of the cascading streams, letting the rushing water crash over and around her. She smiled at him as she ran her hands over her hair, twisting it into a knot and piling it on top of her head. It was a genuine smile…not motivated by sarcasm, flirting or disgust. Just a simple smile, revealing a bit of tenderness and sweetness that she kept hidden deep within – even from him. Something in her past, maybe in his future, kept her from lowering that wall. But the more he got to know her, the less he cared about the spoilers…and the more he cared about the library. Even though he had lived it and had a future to anticipate with River, he would never stop searching for another answer. There had to be a way.

River swam out into the pool and returned with her undergarments, gliding over to the rock shelf and hiding her naughty bits back behind their lacy veils. He suddenly felt more exposed than ever, and it had very little to do with his complete nudity. He was actually surprised how at ease he was being naked in front of her. He had never before been very comfortable in sexually tense or suggestive situations, but he had new taste buds and clumsy extremities. Maybe it just came with the territory. New body, new sex…stuff.

Sex stuff. There had to be a way of describing it that was more…sexy and less…not sexy. Perhaps he didn't know enough words. The TARDIS translation matrix couldn't translate the curve of her back or the smell of her sweat. Was there a word for the way her hips rolled when he was inside her? And what was the name of that little crevasse at the base of her throat that was just deep enough for a proper lick? Worlds of mysteries only appealed to him when there was the chance to uncover and realize the unknown. However, there was little to no chance he would ever make heads or tails of River. He already knew how it ended for her, and the beginning meant the end for him. For once, the middle meant more than the alpha and omega. Not only that, but he had absolutely no idea what he was doing…and he was perfectly at ease.

The entire universe was spinning backwards. It was the only explanation.

River pulled herself up and sat beside him on the rock, feet dangling and kicking at the water.

"So, Doctor…" She leaned in closer and whispered, "If that is, in fact, your real name…what are you thinking about right now? Appears to be rather important."

"Just thinking about water and how perfect it is," he lied.

"Is that so?" She rocked back and forth slightly on outstretched arms.

"Well...yes, actually. For starters, it's clean and crystally."

"Except for stagnation and algae…and the occasional ecosystem…" She mumbled.

"And it's beautiful and creates a serene environment," he continued.

"Until it floods your house or flying phone box…" River added.

"When it's stifling hot, water provides cool relief and calms the raging body," he refused to be dissuaded.

"Or it boils and removes the flesh from bone," she responded, smiling on the inside at his frustration.

"Water is life!" The Doctor exclaimed, exasperated that she always had an answer and a negation for everything. "Nothing beats its ability to sustain life."

She looked up at him and grinned, blinking her eyes coyly. "And then you drown."

"Water is rubbish." He admitted defeat and stared down at his long bare legs. "I have a strong dislike for water."

River lowered and turned her head to attempt eye contact with him. "What were you really thinking about?"

"If I were a dwarf –"

"Little person," River corrected.

"What?"

"You can't say 'dwarf.' "

"I most certainly can," he answered in defiance. "Dwarf."

"They prefer to be called little people," she insisted.

"Since when?"

"Later…"

"We're not later. We're earlier…when they are still dwarves," his voice got louder as his patience was tested.

"Dwarfs."

"What? I thought you said they prefer little people?"

"They do, But the plural of dwarf is dwarfs, not dwarves."

"What about scarves?" He was getting a headache.

"I don't think scarves have a preference about what they are called."

"About being called scarves or dwarfs being called little people?"

"All of it," she said matter-of-factly. "Scarves are notoriously indifferent." She enjoyed giving him a taste of his own nonsense.

"I believe my head may explode." He whined, rubbing his temples.

"Spoilers. Continue…"

The Doctor's mouth dropped open, astonished. "What spoilers! You just used 'spoilers' for evil and convenience, implying my expression and thinking box may combust! I love this head."

"If you were a little person…" She repeated back to him, calmly.

He sighed and agreed to let the illegal usage of the code word pass, continuing for the sake of his sanity and patience. "If I were a little person in Snow White and the Seven Little People - "

"Oh. Well, in that case, dwarf." River was twirling a thick curl around a finger, studying its revolutions intently.

"I don't want to play this game anymore. It's nonsense….this game of ifs," he spit out and settled into a proper pout. "Fairy tales are just balderdashy."

"Clumsy."

"Pardon?"

"Clumsy. You'd be Clumsy Dwarf," she giggled, answering his unspoken question.

"That's completely unfair. I'm just getting the hang of these wobbly things. And shouldn't you have said 'Clumsy Little Person' ?"

"How about Pompous Dwarf? And no, because then you are describing a person who is small in stature to be gracefully-challenged."

"The fun times have taken a turn for the horrendous, I fear." His eyes bulged a bit and one side of his lip curled in contempt.

River spun around and crawled behind the Doctor, and he felt her lean against him, back-to-back. "Can you tell me now?

"River…" He sighed, weary from the lesson in political correctness and grammar.

"I know you, Doctor. I make you nervous," she teased.

"Oh, you do no such….yeah, a little bit…"

"Out with it then," River demanded.

"Answer me this. Why are you always here?" More deflection, though he was curious about her when and where choices.

"Where? Guatemala? Oh god! Do I never leave?" The tone of her voice went a bit high as she considered being stuck in the 1880s in Central America. "I don't know how to weave! And I hate corn!"

"Maize."

"I hate that more!"

He stared ahead of him in bewilderment and waved his arms spasmodically about him. "No, here! This planet! The big green and blue one! Earth! You're in 1945…1926…1883…196-cheese…and you fit in everywhere you go."

"Awkward thing…foreknowledge, yeah? I suppose it will just get more complicated in the in-between times," she reasoned.

"Cheese is the new spoilers."

River chuckled and let her head drop backwards to rest on his shoulder. "I'm comfortable here, actually. I've been to other planets, quite far ahead in the future, and mingled with various species. But humans…well, they are so spectacularly flawed. They fight to conquer, and they fight to love. They put their faith in a higher power and worship this power as all-knowing, yet they consistently take matters into their own hands. And when it fails miserably, they blame the divine. They try so hard... just to lay claim to something, whether it's 1883, 1938 or 1969. It's a beautiful insanity of the will to exist and be remembered." And Earth is my hometown, she added silently.

"You speak as if you aren't one of them," the Doctor murmured.

"Don't I feel human?" she asked.

"Don't I?"

It was getting harder and harder not to spill the ugliness of their past. "But I don't think that was your question, now was it, my love…"

The Doctor exhaled a deep breath and gently swirled the water's surface with a foot. "It's not important now, really."

River twisted her body around and wrapped her arms around his middle, her cheek pressed against his back. She kissed the bare skin lightly and said, "Because I belong here, Doctor. This is my time. The TARDIS is yours. We each have lives that exist beyond the considerations of the other. It's a part of what makes our story so rich, don't you see? You and I aren't meant for conventionality, Sweetie…"

"River, it's only two months." There was no word in any language that would better describe his tone of voice other than sad. The Doctor was sad.

And it broke River's heart. She stood and walked around to face him, stepping one foot over his legs and having a seat on his lap. She raised his chin to look in his eyes. "Look at me..."

He tilted his head up to her and studied her face. Tenderness after biting sarcasm…amazing, he thought. Her hands snaked up his chest and rested on his neck, fingers in his hair. Her thumbs drew small circles along his jawline.

"Sweetie, there is not a day that goes by that I don't feel the emptiness of not being with you. And it's almost always worse when we're together because I'm terrified of leaving you...not ever knowing if it's the last time. That's your knowledge." River smiled and kissed a corner of his mouth. "My cheese, Impossible Dwarf, is knowing when it begins."

The Doctor laughed softly. "And the cheese in the middle?"

"We make it up as we go along, like everyone else. You and I just do it magnificently willy-nilly," she said before kissing the other corner. River shifted her weight as she adjusted her legs and noticed what could not be hidden.

"River, I lo…" He was interrupted by her lips on his, a slow kiss that worked its way up to desperate. The fight of their tongues and the sound of their teeth clashing intensified their need for each other.

Her desire was fierce and urgent. River slid her hand between them and guided him inside her, having pushed the fabric of her knickers to the side. He began to thrust instinctively, and she reached down and stilled his hips. "Oh no, honey. We're playing by my rules now."

River raised her hips high enough that he just barely remained inside of her, and then she slowly eased back down. She repeated this several times, as painfully slow as the strength of her legs would allow. Just before the burn in her calves became unbearable, she moved up and down as shallow as she could, stroking only the tip of him. He moaned her name and bucked his hips forward. River's hips went a bit higher to compensate for his thrust, refusing to relieve the pressure that was building inside him. The Doctor's head fell backward as River took all of him in deep and fast with several thrusts before sinking down heavily and digging her knees into his sides, gripping with superhuman strength, rolling her hips in a rhythmic grind.

He silently prayed to whoever would listen that he could hold on and ride out her orgasm, wanting to watch it play out on her face without being distracted by his own. River's hips moved faster, and he felt her intentionally clench her muscles around him. The sensation became almost unbearably painful as he held back his climax. River slid her arms under his and dug her nails into his back as she rocked forward once more and rolled her hips against him in small circles. It hit her hard, and he felt her muscles spasm around him, nails cutting into his bare skin.

And as soon as her orgasm had subsided and he had managed a couple of thrusts of his own, River calmly lifted her hips and caught him as he slid from her. "River, what in the hell are you doing to me?"

She slipped into the water, arms propping her on the rock's surface, and took him into her mouth. The Doctor growled and bucked his hips once again. She ran her tongue slowly along the length of him, taking the tip between her lips and sucking lightly, letting her teeth drag as she released him. His body jerked with spastic movement, and his voice cracked as he spoke. "River, please…"

"Please what, my love?" She twisted and slid her hand from base to tip, with deliberately lazy strokes followed by a few more hurried.

The Doctor leaned forward and grabbed handfuls of her hair. His eyes had an unnatural glow to them, and he spoke through clenched teeth. "Finish. It."

She gave him a wicked smile. "Why don't you join me, Doctor. The water is fine…" She drew out the word, a low guttural hum in her voice.

He eased into the water, her hand still wrapped around him. Returning the favor, he pushed two fingers inside of her, and a groan escaped them both. They held themselves afloat with one arm on the shelf while each teased the other into orgasm, and when it hit the Doctor, his body tensed with a force that could have easily shut down his organ functions. River's climax followed, and they both let the water claim their limp bodies as they sunk below the surface.

* * *

The trip back to the TARDIS had been uneventful. They were both exhausted, and their bodies molded to the energy of the aberrant travel, putting up no fight as the vortex crackled around them. The Doctor failed to even bother with clothing before crawling into bed, River tucking the linens around him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close, kissing her deeply and sweetly – not wanting to let her go but physically unable to hold on.

She kissed his forehead and swept a thumb across his cheek, whispering, "Give my love to Amy and Rory, yeah?"

"Not here," was all he could seem to manage.

"No?"

"Gone. Some. Days," he spoke each word lazily, making them into separate sentences. "Not. Back. While."

River's heart swelled at the sight of her man-child at peace and gave in, letting his shirt fall to the floor along with her undergarments. "Just this once," she mumbled through a yawn and molded herself under him.

The Doctor smiled into the back of her neck and wrapped an arm tightly around her waist, pulling her close. "You know what else I like about water?"

"What, Sweetie?" she asked, anticipating the naughty.

"Sliding in it down my hallway."

They both giggled themselves to sleep.


End file.
